Second part of Twinkle Twinkle, You’re the Star.
I was awestruck.
The warm tear doesn’t stop, it became tears – unceasingly springing from my two eyes, from the depths of my soul.
My eyes – that has been cold. It has been cold through life’s different weather.
I lay down, on the grass, aware of it being cold and little wet due to the cold breeze that the air brings. I feel it, against my back.
I look at the lamp, it’s beside me, still not yet tested if it still works.
I cupped my face, tears doesn’t stop…
I don’t know why.
…don’t know the reasons…
In the middle of my mournful cry, a loud thunder rolls from the sky.
My heart feels like it’ll jump put of my chest.
I curled up. Unsure if I’m still safe, in the midst of open field with nothing but darkness and uncertainties.
Unsure if I’d be broken by the sound of the thunder, and the lightning that’ll hit me anytime soon.
I need to get out of here, I know, and so I stand. My mournful cries are starting to quiet down.
There’s a small voice in my head that’s holding me back.
And as I heard her voice, a lightning came down from the sky again.
My eyes has been automatically shut as my knees comes trembling and so I slumped back to the cold grasses – looking like inviting me more to stay.
But I should take my leave now.
I’m afraid. I should really leave now.
I need to try the lamp that I have with me, I just hope it’ll be of use.
I search for the matchbox that I have on my pocket, and I got it already in a little time.
It comes again.
But I don’t need to waste my time wandering longer here in the open field, completely vulnerable.
With my two naked eyes, I still manage to see the lamp opening and the match that I have to use.
At last! The lamp has been lighted and I can go back to where I used to be.
The light is really comforting and it’s nice to see —
What? I think my insanity is really hitting me hard now.
I stand up and dust off the grasses on my clothes.
I said wait! Don’t leave!
Oh yes, I’m not wrong.I think I really need to go now and rest and sleep inside my room. Oh, I forgot, I still need to finish my paperworks, do my thing and think of my still to do’s list —
Stop! Don’t runaway from me again!
Shut up now!
I’m done. I yelled back to that voice inside my head, but looks like it’s effective and so I began to walk away.
What? Don’t listen to her. She’s so loud and I must ignore her.
I continue my steps, guided and slow paces away from the pitch dark world lurking at my back.
I must not look back.
Anytime soon, I might here her speaks again, so I must be quick —
I SAID NO! PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME!…
Wait, why do I feel like…
…she’s… begging me…though she’s shouting…
PLEASE…HEAR ME OUT! DON’T LEAVE ME…PLEASE!
I was stunned.
What should I do now…
My heart…it’s racing and I suddenly feel sadness and feel so fragile.
What is this?
The emotions are swelling up…I can’t move…
My knees are trembling again, much shakey this time and I feel weaker.
The thunder roll again in the dark skies, much louder and the lightning came down too, much fiercely this time.
All of a sudden, tiny drops of rain falls from the sky.
Don’t leave me…
The emotions are hitting me so much more. I can’t…
Please…stop… I plead, holding my chest as I slumped back again, kneeling now in the cold wet and muddy grasses.
The tiny drops of rain are becoming harsh and loud this time, and I can’t hold on my barricades now…
I loose my grip on the lamp, it falls on the grasses and been overpowered by the rain water on it – it died.
This time, I have really lost the barricades that I have around me – I cry.
I cry much louder, much harder, much stronger and much deeper.
Please…hear me out…
The small voice continue to beg.
I’m all done.
I can’t go now. You made this, right?
I even managed to answer back and asked her.
I’m still crying…my whole body is trembling now – because of the cold rain, thunder rolls, lightning and fear.
Fear of myself – the real me.
She’s been quiet for a moment and I became impatient and so I speak out loud.
What now?! I knew it! You’re just a pigment of my imagination!
You’re not real! But why?! Why…
…why are you causing this so much emotions in me?!
I’m still crying really hard, fearful of what is happening to me right now.
In the midst of the heavy rain and my ceaseless tears, I open my eyes.
I somehow seeing something in front of me. I closed my eyes again and tried to re adjust it.
And as I open it again – there, I see…
…the small me, the child me.
But, she looks like…frail, fragile, she must be happy, but no…the happiness in her eyes has been gone, she looks quite sad, the happiness in her eyes has been taken away from her…
…her ignorance and innocence has been gone too…
Who?…who made her like this?
This child must be lively, livelier, healthy, innocent, ignorant, playful, peaceful, full of fun, happiness and satisfaction – but what happened?
Who?! Who made her like this? Who caused her to become like this —
She’s reaching out her hands to me, she’s crying…
I felt a strong urge to hold her hands and so I extend my hands to her and —
It’s me…the one…
…the one who…who caused this…to her.
I collapsed. Totally fell down on the muddy wet grasses on the ground.
In just a snap, all the things that I’ve lived with beginning from the years of my existence that I first have my consciousness, were all revealed in me.
The things that I first loved, the things that I like, the things that I usually love to do, the things that makes me happy, my hobbies that I’m fond of, my own authentic and dry jokes that makes me laugh, the silly me that I actually like, the people that matters to me, my dreams, the simple things that once made me enjoy a worry free kind of life, the significance of everything that I have in my life.
And in the other hand, the things that I should not worry about, the things that I once thought that will benefit me and the end is not what I expected, the things that I’m prioritizing which eats up all my time for some other things that matters most, the negative thinking that I usually possess that brings nothing but a hot head and a bad day for me. My ambitions that made me selfish, and all the negative and wrong things that I’ve done which made me suffer.
The realizations hit me, really great and hard.
I’ve been crying the whole time, no sounds coming from my mouth, just the sounds in my surrounding.
I want to live a life, an authentic, lively and happy life – not to just exist and render the years that I have, full of regrets and negativity!
I want to enjoy and do the things that I love to do! I won’t tolerate anymore the toxic in my life.
I must guard myself so I won’t be loose my authenticity and the real me – not to gurad myself and be hard and conformed in this world’s systems.
I’ve said the words – we’ve said the words in unison.
I smile. A genuine, blissful smile.
I’ve noticed that the sound of the rain became quiet, more or less, the rain is going to stop anytime soon, I guess.
I lift up my face that hit the muddy ground, and raise my body in a kneeling sitting position.
I opened my eyes, still wearing the blissful smile.
The rain has stopped.
The dark clouds has been gone.
Just in time, the stars and the moon appears. It’s as if smiling and looking at me.
The dark lonely skies has been brightened up – and became a blissful, beautiful night sky
I suddenly notice the little child, she’s beside me, the small me.
Her look has changed.
She noticed me looking at her and she look at me.
She smile. A very warm smile that sends comfort and serenity in my heart.
She has totally changed. She has gained back her true form, the look that she must really have in the first place.
The playful, innocent, happy, carefree, ignorant, peaceful and healthy look of a child.
I’m glad. I’m really glad, looks like she feels the same way.
She finally said and hug me.
I have closed my eyes and when I open it again, she’s already gone.
I look down on myself, seeing my body soaked in mud.
I laugh. Really hard. I actually missed it.
I know she’s just here within me.
I have recollected and reunited with all the passion that I have in my life.
The moon’s light is shining brighter and the twinkling shine of the stars are dancing in the skies, as if greeting me in delight.
They really must.
For this is the rebirth of the passionate light amidst the darkness.
They really must delight.
I’m coming back, much better than before.
And there’s no turning back.
Hello there! If you happen to read this one, this is the second part and I am gladly inviting you to check out the first part of this story. 🙂
Happy reading and God bless.